Bad Blogger

So... I am still getting the hang of this blog thing and to be honest, I don't think I am very good at it and I'm not sure if I ever will be - but I will keep trying. I have to force myself to not be so analytical and just write. I want to write how I speak. My goal is to be witty and entertaining and.... ME. Inevitably I want to write like your Aunty Merl, cause her blog is great and I can hear her speaking when I read it.

Anyways, it's no secret that I have a horrible memory and that is why I initially started keeping a journal and scrapbooking our life memories. We do so many great things and I can't imagine not remembering all of those big and small events. I started journaling during my pregnancy with Ella. I can honestly say it was the first time I had EVER kept a journal - (I wasn't your average teenage girl). Soo many funny and ironic things happened when I was pregnant and when I would tell the stories people would ask if I had been writing it all down to share with Ella someday. Alas, the journal began.

Not only did I write about the funny stories that had occurred but I also wrote about how I was feeling, both emotionally and physically - I gained
40 lbs. while prego! Please see exhibit A ---->

Once Ella was born, making the time to write - in between a colicky baby, pumping to breastfeed, not eating...or sleeping, doctors appointments, etc - was MUCH more difficult. My last journal entry was right before I started this blog - so I filled almost 2 years worth of handwritten entries (I am proud). I then decided to start this blog in place of journaling - however I have since decided that I will probably still write, at least once a month. I think/hope someday having my handwritten letters to you will mean something - they better cause it's hurt my hand to write that much, what did we do without computers before?

Having a bad memory was only part of the reason I started to journal/blog/scrapbook. When we first found out we were unexpectedly expecting we were nervous, scared and unsure of our impending future. Then we had our first ultrasound - which changed EVERYTHING. Even at 22 weeks pregnant, the doctors were able to see that Ella had a cleft lip. After further tests we found out that she had a cleft lip AND palate. The journal allowed me the space to express how I was really feeling when it wasn't acceptable to share my thoughts with others. It was okay to write about how we were (unmarried) parents with no idea on how to raise a child, or scared for peoples reactions to our daughter, or how nervous I was about sending my baby into surgery, etc.

To be continued......Ella's Journey